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After 8 months in Holland, I was able to go back to the States for 12 days. I felt so fortunate to be able to go back and see my family and friends after a long time away.. It was just as I had imagined it would be, good food, good company and lots of R&R. To be perfectly honest, as amazing as it was to be able to go back to the States- it felt very surreal. As hard as it was to leave home and move to Europe, it will be twice as tough to leave Europe when my time here is over. I have enjoyed this experience beyond belief- the European lifestyle, traveling, meeting new people. And after going back to the States, I realized that my life there will have to start all over again. Granted, I have great friends, wonderful family and a beautiful dog.. but I feel completely lost in every other aspect. Before I left for NC, I was speaking with my host mother about how I was nervous because I feel like I've changed in many different ways since being here.. Her advice to me was quite simple, to remember that I was the one that left the States, that I was the one that has had this huge change in my life and in myself and that I shouldn't fault anyone for not understanding me or the changes that have taken place in my life.. not everyone has experienced the same thing I have. It was wonderful advice - and I've reflected many times on what that actually means. Where will I fit when I get back? Will I be happy after having this experience here or be dying to go somewhere else that makes me happy again? What will I do for a job, or where will I live? See.. I feel like my life has been on pause while I've been here while everyone back in America has continued living theirs- but I haven't been there. My home isn't Holland, but it isn't America anymore either.. so where does that leave me?
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