PSA: "The greatest risk in life is not taking one..."

As many of you might have read a few months ago, I was planning on extending my European holiday for another year for school. I applied, and then began an International Business and Management Studies course. I was so excited at the prospects of what this might have in a forward motion towards a career. A week after my program began, I received notification from my school in the Hague that they were not going to be able to officially accept me into the school. As an American, I was baffled. What do you mean not accept me, I have already started classes in an advanced course I had to interview for- and I was accepted into the program? To sum it up, one of my Math requirements did not translate into Dutch standards and therefore it appeared as though I didn't meet the requirements. The day I was pulled from class to hear this news was frantic- dealing with my Mom, with Jack, with the Enrollment office, and International office. I came back to the house- distraught... what would I do now? For a while I was planning on staying on the shady end of illegal- well, yes, illegally staying without a residence permit which is actually common practice. But then I realized that if I screwed over the Dutch, then would I ever be able to live in another country legally again? Ultimately one of my long term goals is to live in London- therefore, with the British being one of the most difficult countries I've heard of to gain a visa, the last thing I want to do is give them a reason not to accept me eventually. Fooling one country into staying an extra year illegally didn't seem like the smartest move. So, I began planning "Plan B". What if I couldn't get my schooling worked out, what if I had to go back to North Carolina in three months since that's when I truly became illegal? Where would I pick up after a year abroad?

The next morning the school emailed me, they had made a mistake with my transcripts and I could begin classes again the following morning. Surprisingly, I wasn't as happy as I should have been to hear the news. And that worried me. Maybe three years away (yes, I know I said it would be an extra year, but the program was for three) from my family, friends and Porter was too much. From last Monday on, I've been in perpetual doubt of my decision to stay. Am I making the right choices financially (school here is mighty expensive for three years), am I doing the right thing by staying an Au Pair (Do I really want to do this any longer- as much as I love ironing 5 days a week? Sike.) would I be able to stay the entire three years away from my family besides a visit once a year? And so this week I decided that it's in my best interest to return back to North Carolina. Yesterday, I announced to Jack and Eva who have been tremendously supportive and encouraging in my decision to stay in Holland, and then my decision to return home that I would be leaving.. I've told my good friends and family my decision to return to America, and now the eldest child Christiaan knows. The general consensus tends to be sad and disappointed on this side of the pond, and extremely excited on the other. I am somewhere in the middle still. Although I feel like a weight is lifted off of me now that I've made a decision to return, multiple times a day I remind myself just what I'm leaving behind.. amazing friends, a family that has truly made me feel welcome and valued, a beautiful country and an experience I will never, ever forget. Friendships I hope that will last the rest of my life, a relationship with the three Dutch children who have taught me a new found patience and determination I didn't even realize existed in such a short time, and new personal strengths that I never knew I possessed when I left North Carolina just over a year ago.

Between now and November 1st I will return to Winston Salem where I haven't lived since I was 18. I have no idea how I will feel when I return- but my goal is to stay busy. To move forward with the same direction, drive and purpose I felt here when I began school. To start academically again in the Spring, to be active with friends (already planning those 1/2 marathons and hopefully another marathon next year) multiple reunions, beginning horseback riding again at Heart to Heart Stables in Randleman (you should check it out, I happen to know the owner and she's amazing) and spending lots of time with my family and my favorite Weimaraner.

I will miss the ones I leave behind tremendously. My heart is full thinking of the good times we've had, and the memories I will always hold close. Thank you for being my family while I was away from my own, for being my best friends, my confidants, and majority of the time, my sanity. I have learned so much from each one of you and I am so fortunate to have you in my life. I know that no matter what path we take, we'll always be a plane ride, an email, or a phone call away- You're stuck with me Betches.