Well- My New Year started off in European fashion. Listening to churchbells ringing in 2011, standing amongst people from all different cultures and countries- each celebrating the start of a new year, new dreams, inspirations and hopes- Starting 2011 in Dublin, and then returning "home" to Holland has filled me with such feelings of independence, bewilderment at my ability to have created a life so far away from the life I knew so well in North Carolina. 2010 was full of so many changes; changes in relationships, in living arrangements, in raising Porter together with Ben(shared pet custody- ha only us), in packing up my life and leaving Wilmington, leaving North Carolina, leaving behind my family, friends and Porter. Closing many chapters of my life, and opening new ones.. many decisions made, some bad- some very good, but never any regrets. Since moving to Holland I've had a lot of time to reflect on who I am. I have no problem admitting that I have struggled with finding myself for a large majority of my twenties, not always being happy with the person I am, or the decisions I make, or the way I treat others. I automatically assumed or possibly just naively hoped that by leaving everything behind that I knew, that I would have a better chance of figuring out what I wanted out of my life when I returned to the States. Ah- the perplexity of it all. It seems to me, that after four months, I have figured out a lot of things about myself- things that I don't like, qualities I embody that I do like.. but I am just as far away from knowing who I am, or what I want out of my life then before I boarded the plane in Greensboro to move to Holland. One of the biggest questions I ask myself, daily at this point, is even though I am so incredibly happy that I decided to uproot myself and come live in Holland, meeting new people, and experiencing new things, did I run from my past and cover it up by calling it an adventure? I truly hope that the answer is no, but I suppose I don't really know. Four months have come and gone here in Holland, and I have missed the States but I also have fallen in love with another country, with the idea of a relaxed lifestyle.. Europeans know so well how to enjoy life, how to savor every moment. They make it look effortless, with their casual strolls down cobble stoned streets, or sitting sipping coffee outside of a little cafe in the city market gossiping with one another. I wonder how I will ever be able to return to the mondane lifestyle of Monday through Friday work, 9-5, working for the man after knowing there is such a different way to live life...
My NY Resolution started off just as one, but as usual, it became a long string of ideas for the year. I can barely keep up with one resolution, and now ambitiously enough, it appears I have 15.. I'd like to think of these more along the lines of wishes for 2011 rather than resolutions.. First and foremost, I want to experience as much as I can here in Europe. Spending less time in the bars and more time in the museums, and concerthalls of Holland. I want to start being a more thoughtful person to the people I care about, I have always been very inconsiderate about keeping in touch with those I should- writing more, being more sincere. Drinking less, the older I am getting, the more I am realizing that I don't particularly like the person I am when I do.. Finding something that I really love to do, which I think that it is going to be riding horses again- I can see my Mom's face now, don't worry- you don't have to foot the bill this time around. Being happier with who I am, and recognizing that I don't have to be in a relationship to be happy. Learning another language, or two, if Jack has his way- "why learn dutch when you should learn chinese.." Reading more, taking pictures, traveling to places I've always wanted to go while I'm here, making new friendships, and strengthening my old friendships... I think sometimes when you make lists like this public, there is some accountability connected to it. So rather than thinking I've just unnecessarily shared every ounce of my wishes for 2011 with you all, now I've just established and concreted them for the year :)
It would be safe to say that 2011 is going very well. Apart from the flu that I brought home with me, a hacking cough, and a stuffy nose- I am optomistic that this year will be one of the best of my life. I have so much to look forward to this year, and I hope that I never forget to thank the people in my life that have supported me in this extremely whimsical life choice (especially my family.) So- Thank you! Everyday is a new surprise, you never know who you'll meet, where you'll go, or what you'll see- I try to remind myself all the time to embrace that feeling of the unknown. It's a beautiful thing.
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